For the past two year I've been busting my butt (okay, the past year and a half I've been busting my butt) in college to get into the Honors Program and I have successfully done this. A huge accomplishment and personal goal of mine. But now, I find myself in this physics class trying to pull a C and that's just not like me at all. I'm not interested in the class at all; my mood shifts to terrible the minute I pick up the physics book or log onto WebAssign to do the dreaded physics problems, which require a scientific calculator. I have grown to hate my scientific calculator and all of its "functions". It is successfully functioning in driving me insane!
Normally, even if I hate the class, I can sit down and force myself to do the work. This class is an exception and it's painful (physically and mentally) just to look at the kitchen table covered with books for class. When it comes to the concept of force, apparently, I'm uncapable of doing this. There are only two days left of this class and I will force myself to do the work.
Though my GPA will not be overly pleased, as I have struggled through these last three weeks, my body loves me. In the midst of the long hours at the table, I have (re)decided to take up running. I've never felt better (mentally or physically). All of this running is paying off in my tennis playing as well, which I started playing about three months ago. If it weren't for my love of softball through high school, I would have definitely played tennis. Tennis is definitely a new love of mine along with running.
Running and I have had quite a relationship--- I used to hate it, then senior year I ran cross country and began to slowly fall in love with it. Maybe I forced myself to love it, because my boyfriend also ran and the primary reason I joined the team was because of him. Let me clarify: I loathed running for the longest time, it was the bane of my existence. I fell into that, I'm in high school and should love everything my boyfriend loves. And let's be honest, that just isn't generally the case, nor should it be. It sucks it took me a little longer to learn that, but I'm glad I did (eventually).
Nevertheless, I started loving running for my own reasons or maybe I restarted loving running for my own reasons. Regardless, I love running and through loving running I think I'm learning to love myself through running. Other runners know exactly what I'm talking about: it's the feeling I get after stepping out the door and I look to the road for the answers to the questions that bother me so. When I have my running shoes on, I feel like I have control. I can choose my destination and for how long I'll run. Yet, at the same time, I feel like I'm in control of nothing as I look at the trees and the deer in the open fields. The past month, running has helped me to "deal" with a lot. Life has a way of being fabulous and terrible often concurrently. Presently, I'm trying to teach myself to see the fabulous rather than the terrible. Thus, in thinking about my physics class: There are only 4 assignments left, 3 experiments, and a test to do. On the terrible side: There are 4 assignments left, 3 experiments, and a test to do. Yep, it's all due tomorrow (and it will get done), but I'm dragging my ass on the homework and sprinting to my running shoes (as soon as I'm done with work at 3).
I'm happy I've learned how great running can be for me. I missed my morning run on account of my physics homework (a total bummer), but I had to get it done. Now, I'm at work and all I can think about it the run I wish I had taken this morning.
Yes, I'm addicted. Yes, I'm proud of it.
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